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Our Teens Are Talking. We Should Listen.

Last month I started a series of articles in my e-newsletter "WHOLE" on the reproductive health of sistahs throughout our lifespan. The goal of this series is to help Black women and girls embrace and manage our reproductive health without shame. The May issue of WHOLE focused on the onset of menses with an article entitled "From Girls to Women: Getting Off to a Good Start."

This month's article is "Teens in the Trenches: The Battle for Better Choices." It's about sistah teens ages 15-19 on the perils of being Black and female in high school. In researching this article, I conducted interviews and surveys with my sixteen-year old daughter Nailah, her friends, and sistah teens in our community. They had a lot to say to about parents, the adults around them, and those in the public eye.

A theme emerged in this process that we as adults should stop and take heed to--our teens are watching us. Despite what we think, they do listen to us. They're taking many of their cues from what they see us do and hear us say. Here are some choice nuggets they shared:

"...Yes parents are capable of talking with their kids about sexual stuff. But they are being cowardly. If parents want to maintain a good rapport, they have to stop being scared and embarrassed. This is serious stuff! A lot of parents don't know what to say, so they don't say anything. That's why teens lose respect for their parents. They punk out! Teens are like a pack of wolves. They can sense fear. And a lot of parent are afraid! That's why many teen are disrespectful. Parents aren't parenting! They aren't stern. They don't set boundaries." Caii, 16

"Adults should be role models. Before a parent tries to say something about teens, look at yourself. Make your life into a model for them." NayNay, 15

"Our media is saturated with sex. It is the adults allowing it to get that way. If the adults stopped making porn and sexy music videos, there would be nothing for the younger generation to buy. So when people blame teens for the rise in STDs, pregnancy etc. that ain't cool. If they showed us an alternative, most teens would behave differently." Karin, 18

"There are a lot of good girls out there. But sometimes even the good girls need a place to talk. Many times they want to got to their parents, but are scared about how they'll react....Where do good girls go? Hopefully to other good girls who have grown up. I have mentors like that. But not a lot of my friends do. I wish there were more good girls that have grown up into good adults. But there aren't enough good [approachable] adults out there. It's sad." Nailah, 16

I believe that talk is strong medicine. It can guide, heal, and redeem. That's why I named my firm WeSpeakLoudly. Guided by the principle, "WeSpeakLoudly on issues others only whisper about," I reach out to sistahs of all ages with the words we need to be WHOLE.

Come to the WeSpeakLoudly website at http://www.wespeakloudly.com/ and find our e-newsletter WHOLE. It comes out every month, it's free, and it contains valuable self-care tips especially for sistahs. You'll also find other resources like books, interactive tutorials, articles and links on improving the health of African American women and girls. I look forward to seeing your there!

UnNatural Causes: Is Inequality Making Us Sick?

That's the name of an extraordinary new documentary by California Newsreel to be featured on PBS starting at the end of this month. Finally the country will be engaged in a dialog about the health impacts of the perpetual stress we live with just because we are African Americans. Get in on the discussion, and pass word about this documentary onto all your sistahfriends and family. Check your local listings for exact airing time and date.

Caregivers Need Care Too!

Both my parents are still alive. They're feisty 82 year olds fighting the weakening of their bodies with indomitable spirit and grit. Despite all they do for themselves and each other, the reality is they need help. Actually a lot more than they will allow. But they depend on me, my sister, our husbands, devoted cousins, and loving friends to help fill in the widening gaps of their care.

It's especially hard because I live in a different city. Both my sister and I do. I'm much geographically closer than she is; a short hour and a half plane ride away compared to her cross country trek. We take turns so that one of us is there every month to coordindate their daily care needs.

When we fly into town for our care visits, it is a whirlwind of doctors appointments, cleaning, cooking, shopping and the like. And we share precious moments of holding each other, grooming, laughing and talking until the wee hours. It is very rewarding work, and I am honored to do it. It is also physically exhausting and emotionally draining.

Caregiving from afar is a difficult, intense, guilt-evoking thing. Were it not for the incredible network of people who attend to their daily needs, I would wither from the worry and helplessness I feel sometimes.

I realize that my story mirrors the situation that many of you face. Whether in the same city or far away, caregiving is an awesome responsbility. I often feel so drained, that days can go by without proper sleep, eating, and sometimes without even bathing my own stinky behind!

Fellow caregivers, how do you take care of yourself in the midst of all that is? I'm searching for some sistah self-care advice. Please share. Anxious to hear from y'all.

It's all about being WHOLE!

I started this blog because I'm concerned about the state of Black women's health. Looking at the national health statistics, we have the highest incidence of most cancers, heart disease, diabetes, HIV/AIDs, and numerous other diseases than women of other ethnicities.

But we're more than statistics. We're real women facing real health problems. Doctors might be able to cure, but healing is something we have to do for ourselves. But we're not alone; we have each other.

WHOLE is an acronym for "Women Healing Ourselves with Loving Energy." It's about self-care; learning how to take better care of ourselves--spirit, mind, and body. I believe in the power of Black women to turn these negative health statistics into a positive healing community. Come back soon and often. Together we'll be WHOLE!